


only love is all maroon

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-10-23 16:04:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10722612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: Nelaros arrives early and spends an intimate night with his future wife. Tragedy strikes and Tabris ends up at Ostagar, not realizing she is pregnant with his child. Tabris negotiates the Blight the best she can in her condition with the support of her companions and the Grey Warden she is quickly falling in love with.Written for a kink-meme prompt.





	1. Chapter 1

Aria Tabris did not give her heart away easily but upon seeing Nelaros, something shifted in her. He was a stranger, yes, but his easy smile untangled a knot she had not realized she had held so long in her chest. She could trust him. She could love him. He was safe. There were no surprises here. Both his family and hers thought that they could be happy and in that moment, she felt it too. 

Nelaros arrived a day early, near noon. All agreed it would be too difficult to rearrange everything for his arrival and it was decided that the wedding would happen the next day as originally planned.

He came over for dinner with Valora and the Tabris family tried to make the two newest members feel welcome. Throughout the meal, Tabris looked over at her husband to be and her heart fluttered. They barely spoke, not being able to over the more loud members of the family, but she knew Nelaros felt it too. It was the smallest bud of love.

They stayed up later than the rest of the family, making an excuse to do last minute preparations for the day ahead of them. And once they were finally alone, he kissed her, holding her as tenderly as if she were silk.

She was not the kind of girl who slept with strangers. But he was no stranger. He was the man she was going to marry and she didn't want to waste a moment with him. So she took him to bed with her spent the night whispering to each other, learning more and more of their future mate. And on the dawn of their wedding day, they consummated their relationship, tying them forever together. 

Nelaros snuck out the window before he could be caught, but even if he were it would not matter. Tabris was not a virgin and the worst they could do was to force them to get married, which they were to do mere hours later.

That was the last moment they would be together before finding each other in the Arl of Denerim's Estate. Tabris slaughtered the men around them before cradling a dying Nelaros in her arms. 

With his final, shaky breaths, Nelaros rested a bloody hand on her cheek and whispered, "I would have loved you so much."

And when she lost him, she rested him on the cold tiles and closed his eyes. The ring he had made for her fell from his pocket and she placed it on her right hand, not wanting to lose it. She kissed his forehead before rising to her feet.

Tabris had destroyed three men for killing a near stranger to her. One does not need to know the gore she inflicted on those who had taken her cousin.

The wrath sustained her to the Alienage and gave her the strength to step forth and take all blame for her act. It was that fire in her eyes that made the Grey Warden stop to look at her. It was that fire that kept her alive until she reached Ostagar.

***

Tabris had always been wary around human men. It was not an uncommon thing for elven women to be nervous near them and considering all she had recently been through, it was almost to be expected. Now she was in a camp full of them.

Tabris had tried to find any elves or just women in general to spend time with, but she found herself alone. She eventually sought out the Warden that Duncan had asked her to find, thinking that he at least would possibly be civil.

Alistair was bantering with someone who clearly wasn't receptive to it. Once the man walked off, Alistair turned to introduce himself and his breath caught. Both were stunned at the sight of the other, for very different reasons. While Alistair was too polite to say it, he was clearly shocked that it was a petite elven woman as Duncan's choice for a recruit. Tabris was shocked because while he passed incredibly well, Alistair was clearly elf-blooded. It of course did not mean they were automatically kindred, but it eased her slightly.

Within a moment or two of them both remembering how to interact with another person, they settled easily into conversation. They walked around the site on various errands, chatting as if they were old friends who had simply not seen each other in some time and were remembering how much they liked the other. 

They fought together easily too. Tabris had less stamina, but she picked up on a lot of details that Alistair wouldn't notice. He owed her several of his toes as she had stopped him from running into three different traps.

This instant connection was what saved her life at the Tower. Even when their magical rescuer appeared for him, Alistair refused to let her go.

***  
Alistair remained mostly quiet until they reached Lothering, where suddenly their party more than doubled in size. Now on the open road, they discussed their options publically with the others until all agreed that it would be wise to go to Redcliffe.

Once they were moving, Alistair hung back slightly, leading Tabris to walk beside him, just out of earshot of the others.

"You okay?" She asked.

"A little overwhelmed," he admitted. "It's real now. All these people thinking we actually know what we're doing. Trusting us not to screw this up."  
"Hey," Tabris said, holding his hand. "It's you and me. Those are the only two people we've got to worry about right now. It's just getting the two of us through this Blight. We end it, we build it all again. You and me."

Alistair smiled almost sheepishly. "That's a lot to put on two little people."

"You're no so little," she teased, "you'll manage for us both."

"Then how about I focus on keeping you alive, you focus on keeping me alive and we'll worry about the rest when we get to it?" Alistair said. "I think that's how I can make it through this, Sister. My priority is you."

"And you're mine," she said.

Alistair let go of her hand, blushing slightly. "Well, now that we have all that sentimental nonsense out of the way, let's go back to saving the world."

Tabris grinned to herself. Despite their vastly different heights, Alistair slowed and Tabris sped so they could remain side by side.

***

By the time they arrived in Redcliffe she started feeling ill. It was not terrible at first. She thought it was too much sun and too much exercise. She drank more water and took more frequent breaks. 

When Alistair told her of his heritage, she fainted. Not from shock at the news, but solely because her legs could no longer hold her. He carried her down the hill in his arms, which did not instill confidence in the local people. She would spend the initial siege of the village in the Chantry with a cold compress on her neck and a bucket in front of her. Morrigan sat beside her, rubbing her back with uncharacteristic affection. 

She slept a little but she was still quite ill once the morning came. She attempted to insist that she would take the castle with them, but her point was lost during her rush back to the bucket to vomit.

Alistair helped her back to her cot and she shivered as he tucked her in.

"I'm so sorry I'm so useless," she groaned. "I should be with you."

"Just get some sleep. Leliana will stay with you. Morrigan tells me that all these Chantry folk are giving her the stink eye. I hope you'll be alright with cheerful optimism and a few songs."

"Disgusting," Tabris joked tiredly. "How will I live without the sarcasm and biting commentary on the Chantry's teachings about sexuality?"

Alistair chuckled. "I'll give you the short version later."

He hesitated and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back soon."

***

Tabris not entirely sure what Leilana had given her to drink, but her stomach settled and she was able to sleep nearly half the day relatively undisturbed. 

Tabris had managed to sit up, wash, and eat a few bites of something by the time the rest of the party came back for them. Alistair sat on the cot with her, the bed creaking slightly under both their weight. He stole a piece of her flatbread and ate the rest hungrily as he explained what he had found in Redcliffe Castle.

"So we go to the Tower of Magi then?" Tabris said. "Its not far, right?"

Alistair agreed, "That's what I was thinking. You feeling okay for hitting the road?"

She didn't really, but she was strong enough to stand and walk so she nodded. 

He didn't seem to believe her and said, "We'll rest another night. I sent Morrigan ahead to get us some rooms at the Tavern. I could use a bath myself."

"Me too," she muttered. "Alistair, I don't think I've ever been this sick."

He frowned for a second but then smiled again. "You'll be better soon. Come on. Let's get you to a real bed."

He helped her to her feet. She stumbled slightly and he caught her. Their eyes met and her face went flush. She would have blamed it on the fever if he had asked. Luckily he did not.

The others went out drinking to celebrate, or in Sten's case find a nice quiet spot to meditate. But Alistair laid on top of the blankets beside her, talking long into the night. Tabris fell asleep sometime during his bath but woke in the morning to Alistair on the other edge of the bed with the mabari sleeping in between them.

She sat up and looked over at Alistair, the blankets wrapped around him almost like rope. He had been sweating at some point, but his forehead felt cool to the touch. He smiled in his sleep as her fingers brushed against his face.

It struck her as far too intimate a gesture and she untangled herself from the sheets and went to find the WC. She found Leilana nearby, placing coppers in a little cup attached to the wall.

Leilana sighed, raising the bundle of clean gauze in her hand for Tabris to see. "It's always when it's most inconvenient. I guess it had to happen at some point during the Blight. I thought maybe the Maker would be kind I would just skip it for awhile."

Tabris grinned and was about to make a joke when something chimed in her mind. Her smile faded as she did the math. Whether due to divine intervention or something more mundane, she had not menstruated since the Blight had begun. Not even since leaving Denerim.

Leilana touched her shoulder. "Warden, are you alright?"

There were two possibilities. Three technically, but two of them were related. First that she was ill either because of the Blight or more natural causes. The second...the second was that on her wedding day, the day when all things fell apart, Nelaros had gotten her pregnant. She was pregnant with the child of a dead man or she was dying herself. 

The odds were the latter. She had known the Joining could kill her. She had been ill since the Joining. Her life span had been recently cut in half. The stress of all that could easily cause her to miss two phases. It was much more likely than becoming pregnant from one unprotected encounter and then the pregnancy continuing even after the Joining and the battles she had been in since.

Tabris realized she had never actually answered Leilana and blinked quickly, trying to think of a lie.

"Just tired," Tabris said, fooling neither of them.

But Leilana was graceful and smiled gently. "Go rest a little longer then. We've still got some time before the road calls us again."

***

Tabris actually felt physically quite well by the time they made it to the Tower. She was fighting almost at peak and even picked a lock that she would never have been able to crack even a month before. It was terrible that things were going to the Void in a hand basket, but she felt like she could actually do something to stop it.

Tabris survived her adventure in the Fade and rescued all she could from the Tower. But once they made it out to the fresh air of the night, Tabris started wobbling. Morrigan helped her get to a bush and held her hair back. 

When they returned to the group, Wynne frowned.

"Perhaps, Wardens," she said kindly, "we should do a little check up."

***

Wynne wanted to be alone with Tabris but Morrigan refused, squeezing her friend's hand and refusing to let go. Alistair was much more easily persuaded to go out and wait with the others around the campfire.

Wynne shooed Morrigan to the other side of the tent and knelt down beside Tabris. The moment Wynne placed her hand on her belly, the older mage raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"You are with child," Wynne said, slightly stunned. "I can feel the beginnings of its heart. Young. Maybe two months. Did you know when they recruited you? Or was this conceived afterwards?"

She knew there had been a chance, but hearing it said so matter of factly nearly made her burst into tears. It was obvious. So painfully obvious and she had been hiding from the very idea of it until a stranger pointed it out.

Tabris answered, "Before. I didn't know."

Wynne murmured, "Poor girl. In times such as these. I am so sorry that you must go through with this, not when this should be such a happy time."

Morrigan said, "Women have always had babies at war. It is our kind's nature to be strong enough to bare them and our burdens."

"And if you were any other woman, Warden, I would agree," Wynne said softly, "but you are in a unique position...I wish to put no words in your mouth, but if you were to ask for help, I would offer."

Tabris clued in to what she was saying. "To end it?"

Morrigan raised an eyebrow. "Truly I did not realize the Circle provided such an extensive education, healer. I take back all of my criticisms against the limited care of your practice."

Wynne ignored Morrigan. "It is not comfortable, but it should be done as soon as possible. You need time to recover before your battles grow worse. It is not something that should wait."

Tabris murmured, "I need...I need to think about this."

"I understand this must be difficult, but you need to recover as soon as possible, Warden. It should be done tomorrow, perhaps even tonight."

Morrigan hissed, "Did it possible occur to you that she might want to keep it?" 

"She has a responsibility-"

Morrigan cut Wynne off. "She gets a choice. Get out, crone. Give her some peace."

Wynne scowled but left the tent. Morrigan knelt down beside Tabris and with unexpected gentleness took her hands in hers.

"Are you alright?" Morrigan asked.

Tabris shook her head. "No."

Morrigan murmured, "I know she would not hurt you if you wished to end it. You can move forward with your head held high. There is no shame in it. Yet... I know we have known each other just a little time, Warden, but I feel as if that isn't what you want."

Tabris admitted, "I don't know what I want. It's just...this baby was made because I thought it was safe. I was going to be married and they would be born in a house with so much love in it that they would never been afraid or alone. But Morrigan...that's not the world they're going to be born into. The Blight might not be over. I'll be on the road somewhere by myself or even worse in the middle of a battle. Their father is dead and their mother is a Grey Warden with a few decades to live at best. This isn't the beginning I want for my baby."

Morrigan nodded sympathetically and Tabris continued, "But...Nelaros died for both of us. He didn't know it, but he did. And if Alistair's right, I'm probably never going to be able to get pregnant again. I don't know. I just...I need time. I don't want to end it yet. Just give me a few more days to think about it."

Tabris didn't realize she was crying until Morrigan wiped her tears away.

"It will be alright," Morrigan promised. "Now, come on. Let's see if the old bat has calmed down at all."

They left the tent to find Wynne in deep conversation with Alistair, the man's face both reddening and paling. He turned, seeing Tabris. There was a look on his face that she could not read but she knew that Wynne had said to him.

Morrigan went off to argue with Wynne about healer confidentiality and Alistair led Tabris away from the campfire and to the lake. A breeze came off the water and he instinctively put his cloak around her shoulders. 

They stood on rough sandy beach, the moon low on a nearly starless night. 

Alistair swallowed hard a few times before finally saying, "So...you're..."

"Pregnant, yes," Tabris said. "She shouldn't have told you."

"I feel the same way. She was asking me to 'make you see reason.' I told her that you were old and ugly enough to make your own decisions. Still...I...I know it's not my business, but I mean, we should still talk about it. It changes things."

"Would you hate me if I didn't keep it?" Tabris asked quietly.

He murmured, "No, of course not."

"But you would look at me differently," she provoked, trying to get a response. "You wouldn't want to travel with me anymore. You'd want me to have it?"

"Maker," Alistair groaned, running his hands through his hair, "I just wanted to be supportive. This isn't about me. It's about you. We both know we wouldn't be having this conversation if this were peacetime. If it were, you'd be with whoever you made the baby with and be happy instead of running from war zone to war zone with me."

"But I am," she insisted. "So tell me right now, if I end it, can you still work with me?"

Alistair said firmly, "Yes. Of course yes. I will always have your back. We're a team, you and I. I am here for you. It doesn't matter what Wynne or Morrigan or even the dog says. I like those we're travelling with, but we are each other's priority. We've said that since the beginning. I'm in if you're in."

She hugged him, burying her head in his chest. She started sobbing heavily and Alistair put his arms protectively around her. It started raining lightly, but neither of them moved, just letting her cry while he cradled her.

As the rain grew heavier, he let go and murmured that she needed to keep warm. Alistair held his soaked cloak over their heads as they returned to camp. At the fire, their companions watched, waiting for an answer. 

In response, Tabris flipped them off and retreated into her tent. The smell of the wet mabari made her feel ill and she sent him to sleep beside Alistair. 

Tabris lay in her tent as the rain started to pour down around her. She pulled her bedroll tighter around her, trying to get warm. She rested her hand on her belly, trying to process her options. As a Grey Warden, she shouldn't keep it. It made no sense to and it was cruel to even pretend she could be a mother during the Blight.

Yet in her soul, she knew that this baby meant more than just a night of unprotected sex. It was hope. It was a sign that even among all this darkness, even after the loss of Nelaros, after every terrible thing, there was this little seed of possibility. Despite all the odds, this baby was here and despite every logical argument that she went through, she wanted it. She might not be able to parent it. She might not survive long enough to give birth. But she had hope.

That night she couldn't sleep, even when the rain eased hours later. Not really thinking, she left her tent and entered Alistair's where her brother in arms slept with one arm curled around the dog, the other flung across his own face.

Alistair looked up at her blearily, squinting in the near darkness. "Are you okay?"

Without a word, she laid down beside him. He pulled the blanket around her too and fell back asleep. Listening to his easy breathing, she was finally able to shut her eyes.

***

When Tabris woke again, it was well into the morning. The tent was open and airing out and Alistair was nearby, practicing his swordsmanship with Zevran. Leliana sat nearby with Morrigan, both unsubtly checking out the latter.

Tabris rose to her feet just as the nausea swept through her. She managed to get to a shrub before vomiting, but barely. Leliana held her hair from her face and said soothing things in Orlesian while rubbing her back. Once Tabris' stomach settled, Leliana helped her to the campfire and brought her a cup of water.

Wynne asked kindly, "How do you feel today, Warden?"

"Worse," she admitted, "but I will be okay. We can start travelling again today."

"I'll make you some of these lovely ginger chews I used to eat when I had tummy trouble," Leliana said, "and there are some lovely teas too I can brew."

Morrigan pointed out, "It's possible that our dear Warden does not want quite so much attention about her temporary condition and we should be more considerate of her privacy."

Wynne glared at Morrigan and the witch stuck her tongue out in response.

Despite Tabris' confidence in her decision, she felt uneasy sharing it in that moment. She instead caught Alistair's glance and he came over, wiping the sweat off his brow. He was filthy and should have reeked to her but the scent was oddly comforting. 

"Can we talk?" She asked.

He nodded and she led him back down the path to the lake. This time they stopped just when they were out of hearing range and Tabris sat on a rock. Alistair offered her some of the water from his canteen and she drank thankfully.

He knelt on one knee before her, his arm resting on his leg. He was stretching, but the idea of even thinking he might propose to her made her blush deeply. 

"I think I'm going to keep it," she said awkwardly. "I'm going to have the baby."

Alistair asked, "Are you sure?"

She nodded, smiling nervously. He grinned in response.

"Congratulations," he said, beaming. "You're going to be amazing."

She laughed, "I have no idea what I'm doing, I really don't."

"We'll figure it out," he promised. "I know even less than you, but we've got all sorts of smart people with us. We'll be alright."

Tabris touched the side of his face. "I have never met anyone who had so much faith as you do, Alistair."

He blushed slightly. "Just foolishness and optimism. You feel up for going back to the others? I'm even willing to do all the talking for you."

"Only in this instance," she teased. "Otherwise we'd never get anywhere."

"Hey!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, elven-blooded humans not looking at all elven makes no sense and offends me as a mixed person so forget that.


	2. Chapter 2

It was Leliana who noticed the baby bump first. She squealed, thinking that it was just darling and that they had to get all new clothes for her. Morrigan rolled her eyes at this but Tabris insisted that once they finally arrived in Denerim, she would just grab her old things and alter them as they needed.

Tabris was so looking forward to being home for a little while. Once they had the information they needed about the Urn of Sacred Ashes, they had to hit the road again, but the though of even just a night in her old bed made her feel so happy. And Alistair had promised her. 

That was their thing as of late. She made all the key decisions and the big speeches but she would turn to him for something small and he would do whatever he could to get her what she wanted. Sometimes it was as simple as him reaching for an apple from a branch she couldn't reach. Sometimes it was to braid her hair back when she was worried about throwing up. It was just understood that if she asked, he would do whatever he could for her. She would take care of Ferelden and he would take care of her.

But there were some things that even Alistair couldn't do.

On their arrival in Denerim, Tabris wanted to immediately visit her family before they went back to work. She was initially going to invite Alistair to come with her, but she thought of her own apprehension around human men and decided it was not a good idea. She said she would go on her own but Alistair volunteered Zevran and Leliana to go with her. 

Leliana chatted along happily as they strolled through the marketplace, examining wares that she thought would be perfect for the baby. Zevran walked a few paces off, analyzing the scene even more carefully than normal. 

Leliana took Tabris' arm in hers. "Can I ask you something, now that it's just us girls? You can say no if you want."

"Hard to do that if I don't know what you're going to ask," Tabris teased.

"You and Alistair..."

"Oh come on," Tabris muttered. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Leliana said. "You know he adores you." 

"It's not like that," Tabris protested. "He's my friend. We're family. We take care of each other. That's all. And even if he did...like me like you seem to think he does, I am pregnant with another man's baby and it is the end of the world. It's not exactly the right time to be messing around."

Leliana said, "I think it would be awfully romantic."

"And practical," Zevran piped in. "Built in father for Baby Warden."

Tabris rolled her eyes. "We're not talking about this anymore."

When they reached the gate for the Alienage, several guards blocked them from entering. Tabris asked why they could not pass and upon the word _Quarantine_ , she went pale as a sheet. Leliana asked more questions, demanding answers, and Zevran was clearly glancing to see which guard he could most easily seduce to get inside.

Tabris interrupted them both and said to the leader, "I just want to talk to my father. Can you get through? Can you get a message to him?"

"I'm sorry, I can't, ma'am," he apologized sincerely. "We can't risk it."

"I understand," Tabris said, as calmly as she could. "Thank you."

Once they were a few blocks away, Zevran leaned in and whispered, "Write a letter and I will get it to your father, one way or another."

Tabris hadn't even figured out what she was going to say to him in person so the thought of creating something so permanent to be reinterpreted again and again was daunting. She also feared the letter getting into the wrong hands and becoming a danger to their mission. 

She finally said, "It's okay. I'll see him soon."

All three of them knew it was a lie, but they let it rest.

They went to the inn where the others had meant to stay for the night. As Tabris had no room booked, she shared Alistair's, ignoring the smirks from a few of their companions. 

She napped through the afternoon, only waking when her hair was brushed from her eyes. She turned to see Alistair sitting on the bed beside her.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't imagine..."

"I'm okay," she murmured.

They both knew it was a lie, but Alistair never knew when to let a lie rest. 

"Aria," he said, "if you want to talk-"

She snapped, "No, I don't want to talk. I want to just sleep while you get whatever information you need and then I want out of Denerim. Can you do that for me?"

"I promise," he said quietly. 

Her heart softened to him. "Alistair, I'm sorry."

"I know I'm not enough," he said, "but I'm trying. I really wish you could have seen your family. I wish you could have had someone to stand beside you who actually knew what he was doing."

She said softly, "Alistair, we're a team. That's what you told me when we found out about the baby. You are my priority. Above everything else. And I'm so glad it's you. I'm so glad that of all the people I could have gone through this with, that I was lucky enough to have you."

She sat up and he cupped her face. His eyes met hers and he leaned in slightly. Her heart fluttered and she felt something stir in her belly. She pulled back, gasping. She placed his hand on her bump and he frowned for a moment before he felt it too. A look of astonishment crossed his face.

"That's early, isn't it?" He asked in surprise.

"Maybe just a little," she said, "but honestly I don't know. Maybe I should actually start reading about this stuff."

"Well, I am going to go pester a scholar tomorrow," he said. "Maybe he's got something kicking around. Kicking? Get it?"

She rolled her eyes and laughed anyways. 

***

By the time they reached Haven, her armour officially did not fit. The set had been snug to begin with, made for a much more slender woman than she was. She could manage the legs just fine and the arms without too much difficulty, but it left her growing belly and breasts and every other vulnerable part of her exposed.

As a result, Alistair had developed an annoying tendency to be on hyper alert whenever they were near even the possibility of danger. He stood slightly in front of her whenever they passed strangers on the road. He carried his shield lower too, making it clear that he was not protecting his own body but hers.

She was too tired to tell him to calm down. So she just instead focused her energy on watching his back. That was their deal. All they had to do was keep the other one alive. They just hadn't figured on there being a third person in the arrangement.

They were separated in the Gauntlet, forced to face the ghosts of their pasts alone. In that strange fog of memory, Tabris found an elven man dying on the ground. She ran to him and cradled him in her arms again. Nelaros was gone, but he felt so real, looked so real, and for a moment everything faded around them.

"Did you forget me so quickly?" He whispered in accusation. "We should have loved each other. We should have raised our baby together. I would not have given my life to save you if I knew you would forsake me the moment I stopped breathing." 

"I know this is a trick," she said gently, "but in chance you are some sort of spirit of the man I was to marry...forgive me. I would have given anything to protect you. Thank you for doing what I could not."  


The image faded and Tabris rose to her knees. She saw the others again and her eyes met Alistair's. He went to her side without a word and put an arm protectively around her shoulders. His face was pale and his mouth tight. Whatever he had seen had disturbed him just as equally. 

He did not leave her side until they returned to camp. Alistair didn't speak, but spent the night in her tent. It wasn't the first time they had ever slept side by side, but it was the first time Alistair held her as they did. He buried his head in her hair and she curled around his frame.

They didn't speak. They were both too tired and too sad to attempt to explain to the other how they felt. 

***

The next morning, Wynne came by and asked if they could speak. Tabris walked with her in the ankle deep snow. Her feet were too swollen for her own boots and she wore Alistair's spares with many extra socks. 

"I wanted to apologize," Wynne said gently. "I...I was projecting burdens from my own past onto you. It was your decision to make and I am very proud of you for how well you are balancing all of these things. And I do not wish for you to become upset, but I wonder if you have considered what happens next."

"Well, I'll have a baby and then try to keep both of us alive," Tabris said.

"But you would put your child above everything else. If saving the world meant sacrificing your child, would you do it?"

"What demonic ritual do you think Grey Wardens do to stop the Blight?" Tabris snapped. "Wynne, I know I'm going to lose people. I grew up in the biggest Alienage in this country. I've gone through six official raids and over thirty unofficial ones. I had my fiancé killed in front of me on our wedding day. My mother was tortured and then killed. I know what it means to lose someone and have to move on. I have done that my entire life. So I'm not going to live in fear because otherwise I'd never get out of bed in the morning. I have hope and I have faith and I have love and those are the things keeping me alive right now. So you can shut your trap and keep your opinions to yourself. Am I clear?"

"And Alistair?"

"Excuse me?"

"You might be blind to his feelings or maybe you simply don't care about him," Wynne replied, "but that boy loves you and loves the child you're carrying, even though it’s not his. He would do anything to protect you and Ferelden might lose its future king because of that. What about him?"

"I'm done having this conversation," Tabris said and stormed off.

She went into her own tent and started crying. Which she hated herself for. She was always crying because of her hormones, never mind everything else happening. 

Less than a minute later, Alistair came in and hugged her. Leliana and Zevran quickly followed and soon she was under a pile of her friends. She laughed and her tears soon stopped. She turned to see Morrigan who sat beside them, patting Tabris on the back from a slight distance.

All stayed awhile and talked. Leliana braided Tabris' hair and Zevran rubbed her ankles and feet. Alistair sat behind her, letting her rest her body against his. They all talked and joked until Tabris felt better. They all disbanded except for Alistair, who put his arms around her. 

"Do you want to tell me what you saw last night?" Tabris asked softly.

"Duncan," Alistair said. "Duncan came to me and asked if I had the chance, would I go back and save him over you. And suddenly I knew I wouldn't. Then he...it taunted me that I was a fool who couldn't see that you didn't want me in your life. That I was desperate and blind and that no one could ever love me."

"Did you believe it?" 

"For a moment I did," he admitted. "I've had friends. I've had family, at least in name, and I had the Wardens for a short time. But you are the first person I have ever really needed. I love you. I don't know entirely what that means, but I know I don't want to be without you. Ever. And I don't know if you would want it, but I want to be there for the baby. I know what it's like to grow up without a father. And I mean, I know we're not together, but I do love them. I can sense them sometimes, I think just because I can feel your presence. And each time I just feel like I would do anything for this little heartbeat and for the little person who's not even here yet. And for the woman making it. Especially her."

Tabris turned to face him, tears falling down her face. He wiped them away and cupped her face in his hands. They looked into each other's eyes and Tabris smiled. 

It was no revelation. It was just that it finally needed to be said aloud. She loved him. She had loved him the first time she saw him. She loved him more and more, knowing without a doubt that he loved her too. It was as natural as breathing. There was no angst, no fear, just the knowledge that they belonged at the other's side. 

Aria Tabris did not give her heart away easily, but she had no hesitation when she said to him, "I love you."

He grinned. "Really?"

She murmured, "How could anyone know you and not love you?" 

She kissed him and his hands shook. She pulled herself closer, straddling him as they kissed again, hungrier and fiercer. She grinded against him the best she could with her swollen belly, feeling him grow hard. Alistair panted slightly and she suddenly remembered a very key fact about his romantic history. She pushed back and found that they were both blushing, Alistair a bit more profusely than her.

"I'm not going to take your virginity in a tent near all our friends," she promised, trying not to laugh awkwardly. "Let's...let's cool down a little bit."

Alistair gently placed her on the ground. "Yeah...I should...go...dunk some cold water over my head. Yeah. When we get back to Redcliffe, um, maybe we should talk then. About. You know."

She nodded, trying to catch her breath. "It's not far, right? Only a day or two? Downhill, that should help."

"Definitely," he agreed, swallowing hard. "Not too long. Then it'll be...quieter. And it'll be easier to...talk."

If the situation weren’t so absurd, Tabris would have thrown caution to the wind and get down to business of blowing the mind of the man she loved. However, she was in a poorly made tent on the frozen ground with a virgin who had intended to wait until marriage while she was pregnant, outside of wedlock, with another man's child. It was not exactly the romantic setting Alistair deserved. 

As if in agreement, the baby started kicking hard, hard enough that Tabris yelped and sat back. Alistair put his hand on her belly and traced a design lightly with his fingers. After awhile, the baby seemed to settle again and Tabris looked at him with amusement.

"Baby whisperer," she teased. "I think she likes you more than she likes me."

"You think it's a girl?" He asked.

Tabris said, "Yeah, I do. I guess I've never said that aloud before. But I've been thinking of them as a girl for a while now. I could be wrong. 50/50 chance."

"A Grey Warden having a baby is a one in a million chance," he said softly.

"Whatever they are, we're very lucky."  


"We are, aren't we? Despite everything, we really lucked out."

Alistair kissed her softly this time. "Yeah, we did."


	3. Chapter 3

Despite their confessions, it felt as if little had changed among them. The only real difference was a change in physical affection. Alistair had never been distant, but now he often held her hand or put his arm around her in front of the others. He also loved bending down to kiss her, especially on her cheek when she wasn't expecting it. Their friends were relieved that they had "finally figured it out" when both of them knew there had been nothing hidden from the start. 

When they got to Redcliffe, the pair snuck away and walked along the shore together. Even though it was still cold, Tabris kicked off her boots and walked on the sand, grateful just to let her feet breathe.

"About the other night," Alistair said awkwardly. "I thought a lot about what we were going to...talk about. And I...I um had some thoughts to share."

Tabris said softly, "You want to wait, don't you?"

Alistair said nervously, "It isn't you. I love you, more than I thought anyone could love anyone. It's just that this is a big deal for me. And....and I want it to be right."

Tabris sighed in relief. "Thank the Maker. I love you too. I'm just so tired and so hormonal and I'm worried I'll just start crying. And it's weird, isn't it? I'm almost six months pregnant with someone else's baby. That's really unromantic to say, but it has to be weirding you out too, right?"

Alistair agreed sheepishly, "A little."

"Then let's wait," she said, taking his hand in hers. 

Alistair cleared his throat. "I mean...we could do some stuff. If you want. I mean, just not that. Not until we're married at least. But..."

Blushing slightly, he whispered, "I really want to go down on you."

"You don't think that counts?" She asked, attempting to sound calm. "I don't want you to regret it if-"

Alistair kissed her hard, running his hand through her hair. She put her arms around him as he kissed up her neck and moaned in her ear, "I won't. I need this. I want to wait, but I don't think I can if there isn't some way I can show you what you do to me. Please."

She wasn't strong enough to protest a second time.

***

It wasn't unusual for Alistair and Tabris to share a bed at night. None of their companions said anything about passing Alistair on the stairs up to the guest chambers. A few servants looked at him in confusion, remembering a little of the boy they had seen in the stables but otherwise having no interest in him. All in all, there should have been no difference in Alistair crossing the threshold into her room that night as opposed to any other.

But both of them could feel something shift between them. He closed the door behind him, locking it. Their eyes met and nothing more needed to be said. 

He kissed her tenderly and the rest followed quickly. They were both naked on the bed, lying on their sides, and her leg over Alistair's shoulder as he explored her. He was surprisingly good for a beginner and she gave herself over to him. 

He came long before she did, but he did not stop. She was barely aware of him spurting on the sheets but she felt his deep moan vibrate through her. He kissed her sex and slipped two thick fingers into her. He almost whimpered at the sensation, dragging his tongue across her clit. He licked and sucked, stroking her gently until he gained a rhythm. 

She whispered his name again and again until it grew too much. She was too close to him. She could feel his heart, feel the heat build again between his thighs. If it had been any other man, she would have rolled him on his back, pinned him down, and rode him hard in retaliation for how much he teased her.

But it was Alistair. Gentle, virginal Alistair who just wanted to make her happy. Who had finished untouched on the sheets just from the mere taste of her. This was love making, something so foreign to her it almost felt as if they were doing it wrong. 

His strokes grew firmer and he lapped at her clit until her thighs started trembling. She was so close to the edge and she was almost angry with herself for not reaching that peak. He was trying so hard and for his first time he was doing amazing and she just wanted so badly for this to be perfect for him.

Desperately she asked, "Can I touch myself?"

He kissed her skin and withdrew. She rolled onto her side and he curled around her. She could feel his cock pushing against her and his breath on her neck. She slid her hand down and rubbed her clit roughly while he groaned in her ear. 

"You're so beautiful," he whispered. "What can I do?"

"Just touch me," she pleaded. "Grip my hips, play with my breasts, rub yourself on my back. I just want to feel you."

Alistair shuddered against her and nipped at her neck before kissing and sucking on her earlobe. One of his hands went to her swollen breast and cupped it lightly. The other held her to him, pressing his cock into her skin. 

"Please come for me," he begged, his grip on her breast tightening. "Please."

His hand moved to her belly, holding it protectively. She brushed against his fingers as she jerked off, each time shivering at his touch. He was too soft, too gentle, but she was so close it hurt. 

"I need you to be rougher," she whispered. "I need..."

What did she need? The near decade of quick trysts with men she barely knew? Someone screwing her from behind while he told her how much of a whore she was? What did she need that this beautiful boy couldn't provide?

His fingers replaced her own and they thrust inside of her hard. His arm went across her chest and held her tightly to him, pinning her against him. It was indelicate and it almost hurt, but it was enough to send her over the edge. She clenched around his fingers, grunting, bucking against him. When she had recovered her senses enough, she rolled over and took his twitching cock in her hand. She only managed a few jerks before he spilled onto her, crying out.

Their eyes met and suddenly Tabris felt a pang of loss. Had she ruined it? Had she ruined him? Why couldn't she just-

And it clicked together in her mind what it was. She had never been in control having sex before. She had always let her partner take the lead, knowing that they were both seeking their own pleasure and she would find hers one way or another. But to have someone trying to make her happy...it suddenly put pressure on her. In taking care of another person's feelings, she had felt frozen.

"Are you okay?" He asked, brushing her hair from her eyes. 

She shook her head. "No."

They spent the night talking, both about their hang-ups and expectations. They laughed, they cried, and when the dawn broke and they were just about to fall asleep, Tabris looked over at the man she loved and knew in that moment that she was going to marry him. 

***

They lay under the stars in the Brecilian forests, hand in hand, though Tabris was on her side. Alistair had tried to prop her up with his bundled bedroll and coat, but everything was uncomfortable. She was nearing seven months and the baby had shifted to rest close enough to her spine that its kicking was sending shocks down her legs. She had to go by horseback for the past week as walking had become too painful.

"I think we should talk about the next eight weeks," Alistair said softly. "I think we both know you can't do this much longer."

Tabris agreed, wincing. "Yeah, but we don't have a choice. There are only two of us. I don't want you to go to Orzammar by yourself."

"And you're in a great position to keep me safe," he teased. 

"Hey, I can still fight," she argued. "You saw me throw a dagger today."

"Yes, and then you immediately needed to sit down and Leliana had to hang back to make sure a werewolf didn't eat you. I think...I think we need to have a plan. It's...I don't want to ask you, but now that it's getting closer, we should talk about it. What do we do when the baby's born?"

Tabris admitted, "I was kind of hoping the Blight would be over by then. But you're right. We can't take a newborn on the road with us, but there is no one I trust to keep her with. And I...I don't want to be away from her. I love her so much already...I think it would break my heart."

Alistair said softly, "You don't have to. What if we got you back to Denerim? The quarantine has to be over by now. You can stay with your family."

"I can't leave you," she insisted. "We're a team. We promised from the beginning."

"I know," he agreed, "but that's when we thought it was just the two of us. Love, I can't tell you what to do. I have no idea what's going to happen after the Blight or where we'll end up. But I want to keep you and our baby safe."

It was the first time he had ever referred to the child as his too. Tabris' heart thudded in her chest as he continued, not seeming to notice the slip.

"We can get you to Redcliffe for now," he said. "We'll be heading to Denerim in a caravan once we've brokered an alliance with the dwarves. Then we can travel by carriage and that will be easier for you."

"I don't want to stay with Eamon," Tabris pleaded. "Please. I want to be with you. I know I'm in pain, but I'm going to be in pain wherever I am. I don't want to be alone. I'm scared, Alistair. Please."

He hugged her and she clung to him. 

"I'm scared too," he whispered. "I am so scared something will happen to you. I can't focus on the battlefield because I'm constantly looking to see where you are. We've had people sent after us before and what if...I can't lose you. Please."

"I want to ask Leliana to stay with me then," she said. "I can't stay with that many shem nobles without someone on my team. Are you okay with that?"

"I think it's a good idea," he agreed, relief clear in his voice. 

"And when she's born, I think she should stay with my dad," Tabris said, swallowing hard. "I don't want to leave her, but I think she'll be safest in the Alienage. I'll rest while the Landsmeet is going on and then I'll be back on the road with you."

"Okay," Alistair agreed. "That's what we'll do then."

He pulled away enough to look into her eyes and kiss her softly. She smiled nervously and he brushed the stray hair from her face.

Her heart ached, already missing him. They'd only be parted for a week or two, but they had never been away from the other since Ostagar. He was part of her, so entwined in her soul that the thought of his absence physically hurt. 

Unable to say anything else, she whispered, "I love you."

He smiled sadly. "Me too. It'll be okay. I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legitimately, I almost abandoned this fic after this sex scene because it got a little too real for me and it made me kind of miss fics when I just had trouble mapping out positions.
> 
> As a result, I'm not done this fic. I'm posting the first half just so people can push me to just get it done man.


	4. Chapter 4

Tabris was miserable. Leliana was trying her best to keep her mood up, but she was huge, in pain, and besides her friend very much alone. Wynne had stayed along as well to play as midwife if need be, but she was a medic in a time of war and was often busy helping out in the village. The mabari went with her both as protection and provide comfort for the children. 

Tabris sent out ravens to Orzammar but nothing came back. Alistair had said they would be gone two weeks at the most and it had been nearly three. 

And there were the dreams. The Archdemon's song was growing stronger and so no longer had the comfort of Alistair's presence beside her. Another Warden's heartbeat was stronger than any chill of darkspawn nearby. But she was alone, vulnerable, and pregnant with a baby that potentially had the same taint. Maybe it was hearing the song too. Maybe that was why it rarely slept. 

On the twentieth day, the dreams began to change. She dreamed of broodmothers and a haunting song, of a long dark passage, of Alistair's panicked breathing, of the dying war cries of dwarves. 

Leliana tried to comfort her at first, promising they were just bad dreams but Tabris knew in her gut that their companions were in danger. Alistair was in danger.

On the twenty-third day, Tabris tried to sneak away in the night, only for Leliana to stop her and demand that she and her eight-month pregnant belly get back to bed.

Tabris took her friends' hands in hers and simply pleaded, "He needs me."

Leliana sighed and said softly, "At least let's take a carriage."

***

Tabris barely slept, holding onto her aching belly as they traveled down rough roads. It was dangerous. Leliana had warned her it was and Tabris had agreed but then decided to ignore it. If the baby decided to be born now, then that was what was going to happen, but she hoped it had the good sense to stay put. 

It took two days to reach Orzammar, a near miracle that cost them dozens of sovereigns. Leliana helped Tabris get down and they passed through the gates with great difficulty, as no one believed a woman in her condition could be a Grey Warden. Eventually they were allowed inside and though Tabris wanted to immediately hit the streets to look for information, she was exhausted. They found a room at an inn and Leliana went down to the tavern while Tabris rested.

In her dreams, Alistair's breath was louder, heavier, and pained. He whispered her name, pleading for her. Everything was dark and the air was sour. There was nothing to sense other than his fear. 

Tabris woke with a start, Leliana's hand on her shoulder.

Her friend said softly, "I...I was speaking to a few travellers downstairs. It seems that Alistair, Morrigan, Zevran and Sten left with a dwarven warrior into the Deep Roads almost two weeks ago. They have not been seen since. I'm sure they are all right. People survive much longer than that down there and they have a Grey Warden with them."

"We need to go after them," Tabris declared. 

"We?" Leliana asked in shock. "Darling, you can't possibly think-"

"He's hurt and he's alone," Tabris said. "I'm not leaving him to die."

"They're just dreams. I'm sure-"

"Leliana," Tabris pleaded. "I know. Trust me. Please."

Leliana sighed, "Even if we could, we don't have the authority and we don't have the supplies. They could be two weeks away and you might not even have two weeks. I'll see if we can hire a scouting party, but...please don't get upset. You need to stay calm, for you and the baby's sake. Alistair would want you both safe."

"He needs me," Tabris begged. 

Leliana kissed her forehead. "We'll find him. You just rest."

That was easier said than done, but she did not blame her friend for trying.

***

For about four days, Tabris waited for news. She walked the streets the first day, but a pregnant elven woman was a rare sight and she didn't feel like being gawked at. She ended up befriending a young dwarven girl interested in magic and Tabris spent her days at her smith while they discussed the outside world.

Then news came. Their companions had been found caught in a landslide less than a day's journey to Orzammar. A team had dug them out and was headed back with them, the runner informing Tabris that they would arrive within the hour. 

It took Tabris almost that entire time to get to the entrance of the Deep Roads, Leliana helping her down some of the steeper steps. 

But she made it there in time to see a group emerge from the darkness. The dwarves first, then Zevran, Morrigan, and the red haired stranger. Her heart thudded quickly, fearfully, but then Alistair stepped into the light. His eyes met hers and suddenly nothing else mattered.

Alistair ran. He picked her up and brought her into a deep kiss. She threw her arms around his neck and he carried her back towards the city, his lips still on her skin. 

"I thought you were dead," she cried.

"I did too," Alistair confessed. "Maker, I thought I'd never see you again. I can't..."

She kissed him hungrily and he groaned, grasping at her back. 

Morrigan sighed. "And here I was grateful for our return to the surface."

They blushed and pulled apart just to gaze into the other's eyes.

"I love you," she murmured.

"I love you too." 

He kissed her nose and gently helped her to her feet. 

The red haired dwarf she assumed was Oghren said, "We'd best be getting to the Assembly. Your old lady is so huge you're lucky she didn't pop when we were in the Deep Roads. Let's not push your luck."

***

They left the city that night and stayed at a tiny inn nearby. The four who were trapped underground found their own ways to recover from the experience. Zevran started a contest with Leliana to see who could kiss the most pretty girls and the pair spent the night drinking and giggling. Oghren found a quiet dark space in the cellar as he slowly got used to being on the surface. Sten had already left, saying that he had business in Redcliffe that could not wait. Morrigan shut herself in a room and read, saying that she was grateful for privacy after so many days with the men.

Alistair couldn't stand being under a roof of any sort and hiked a few miles before pitching a tent in the forest. Tabris was tired and sore, but she wanted to be with him so she followed along. He had set up the interior with all the blankets and pillows he could find, letting her hide under all that warm so he could keep the flap open a few inches. He needed to see the moon and the stars and she loved him too much to deny him anything.

Tabris settled in the best she could but everything ached. She rested her feet in Alistair's lap and he absentmindedly rubbed them, still looking outside.

"How are you?" She asked gently.

He shook his head. "Not great." 

She kissed his forehead. "What can I do?"

He brought her fully into his lap and hugged her. She kissed his neck and held him tightly. The baby shifted and Tabris winced. He placed his hand on her belly, stroking it lightly.

"You're so big now," he murmured. "We don't have too much time left, do we? I had this stupid hope we'd fix everything before she was born. When you told me you were keeping her, I had this big stupid thought that we'd end the Blight side by side and then she'd be born in peacetime. It's so much harder without you. I had to make a lot of compromises in Orzammar, ones I don't think I'm ever going to feel good about. And all I kept thinking about was you. If something happened to me what sort of mess was I going to leave behind for you to deal with? And what was I going to be to the baby? I'm not her father. Just...just this lug her mother had to drag around. This stupid lug who couldn't do one thing on his own without nearly killing everyone and destroying everything."

Tabris caught his chin and forced him to look at her. "Alistair, that cave in was not your fault. If you hadn't been there, they may not have made it out. You know that. And it would have been worse if I were there. You did everything you could."

"I still needed you to save me," he said, tears welling in his eyes. "I wanted to protect you and keep you out of danger, but I couldn't. You shouldn't have come this far, especially without Wynne. You were supposed to be safe."

She caught him in a kiss and he cradled the back of her head.

"You were on your way home," she whispered. "You went through hell to keep our friends alive and to get back to us. You were the one who secured the alliance with the dwarves and you suffered to do it, all so the baby and I could be safe. You have done nothing wrong, Alistair."

He kissed her hard in return and she shifted, her back spasming slightly in her position. As if knowing, he helped her onto her side and rearranged pillows until she was as comfortable as she could be. He lay behind her and held her close to him. She could feel his exhaustion and said softly, "Go get some sleep." 

"Please don't leave," he murmured tiredly. 

She squeezed his hand. "I'm not going anywhere, Alistair." 

***

When Tabris woke, two things were made abundantly clear. The first was that a snowstorm was squalling through the clearing and it would be impossible for them to break camp any time soon. The other was that the contraction that had woken her was being quickly followed by a second. She was in labour and apparently had slept through much of it due to pure tiredness. 

Tabris very painfully managed to sit up and shoved a snoring Alistair until he woke. He glanced over at her skeptically until he realized what was happening.

"Maker, now?" He asked.

Tabris groaned, "I think it started last night. I've just been so used to the back pain I didn't think it was that. Shit. Shit. Do you think you can get back to the inn?"

The wind howled and hail rained hard on the tent.

Alistair laughed nervously. "I'm guessing not."

Tabris started panicking. "No, no, I can't do this."

"It's okay," he assured. "Deep breaths. Labour takes hours and the storm will settle. We're not that far away from the inn. Just relax."

She nodded, trying to catch control of her breath. "Okay."

Pain shot through her again and she cried out, grabbing his arm. She sobbed, unable to speak until the contraction faded again.

"I'm not going to make it that much longer," she whispered, shaking her head. "Alistair, Alistair, I can't do this."

"It's okay," he said softly. "We read about this, remember? If you were able to sleep this long, you're probably only a little dilated. We've got time. Deep breaths."

He rubbed her lower back and kissed her neck. "Hang in there."

***

For over two hours, Tabris suffered. She lay on her side and cried as Alistair tried to make her feel more comfortable. When the winds finally started to die down, he scooped her into his arms and ran towards the tavern.

They got her up to Morrigan and Leliana's shared room and helped her onto the bed. Someone ran for a healer, but Tabris could barely hear. All she could feel was her body tearing. She was exhausted, she was in the worst pain she had ever been in, and she was so afraid. She screamed and sobbed and pleaded but nothing she could do made it better. 

Alistair grasped her hand and instructed, "Look at me. Remember what we said way back in the beginning? It's you and me. We're going to get through this. I'm not letting anything happen to you. Okay? Tell me you're okay."

Tabris managed to nod and he kissed her sweaty brow. 

Alistair helped her to her feet and she leaned against him, letting him hold her up. She was losing strength, but shifting position helped a little. 

Leliana entered the room breathlessly. "All the roads are out. Morrigan is the only one of us who could travel in this and she is probably the most useful one of us all right now. The best I can find downstairs is a chef. Oghren's blacked out drunk and Zevran went home with some girl last night in the village." 

Alistair asked, "Morrigan, have you delivered a baby before?"

She shook her head, a slight hint of fear crossing her face. 

Alistair ordered, "Then I want you the two of you to go into town and find someone. We've still got time, but we need someone who knows what they're doing. I can do this part for now. Go."

Leliana headed for the entrance. Morrigan hesitated and touched Tabris' face for a moment before following her.

Tabris sat on the edge of the bed, her legs shaking. Alistair sat beside her and rebraided her hair off her neck.

"I should have told Wynne where I was going," Tabris said. "I should have taken her with me. I was just foolish and angry I just...this is my fault. I've put the baby in danger because I was so reckless."

"Hey," he said, putting their hands on her belly. "I know she's okay." 

"Why aren't you freaking out?" She asked angrily. 

"I'm scared too," Alistair admitted, "but I believe in the Maker and in you. Just keep breathing. We're going to be okay."

***

The sun was setting and the baby still had not moved. Her labour had slowed and while the pain continued, her progress did not. However, to the luck of everyone in that room, the woman Zevran had run off with was a midwife. Once Morrigan and Leliana found him, the rest started falling into place.

Her contractions kept coming, finally picking up pace again hours later. By dawn, she could finally start pushing but she was so sick and exhausted she was doing it all by instinct and without truly being present. She started thinking clearly again when her child started crowning and Alistair shifted in order to help catch it. Everything came screaming back into focus when the baby start crying and Alistair brought her to her chest and wrapped a blanket around them both.

Tabris looked at the baby's sweet little face. Even with all its wrinkles and puffy eyes and slightly pointed head, it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She looked up at Alistair who was openly crying, a grin plastered on his face.

"Boy or a girl?" Tabris asked joyfully. 

Alistair beamed. "Girl."

***

When they were alone, Tabris asked Alistair what he thought the baby's name should be. Alistair blushed and told her the story of the gardens at the Chantry in Lothering and the faith he found in a single, perfect flower. Tabris cried and he stammered a bit, but in the end they both knew that there was no better name than Rose.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maker, I have had such bad writer's block for this story. I think I know where I'm going though. Maybe two or three chapters after this one.

Tabris barely left the bed over the next few days, only to wash and have the sheets changed for her. Their friends would sit beside her to coo over the baby and to chat with her to keep her company. She slept most of the time with her daughter in a makeshift bassinet on the floor beside her or in Alistair's makeshift sling. 

Eventually they could not wait any longer and the party prepared to leave for Redcliffe. Tabris bundled her and the baby up in a carriage and she tried to rest a little bit longer. She didn't know what Redcliffe had in store for them, but it likely was not good.

*** 

They had less than a day's rest before they needed to leave for the Landsmeet. Tabris had been given a lecture and a onceover from Wynne who was pleased that both she and the baby were healthy. 

But she was tired, more exhausted than she had been her entire life. Her body had no chance to heal and while Rose was a relatively quiet baby she still needed her constantly. Others helped out a little, but it was difficult on the road. Now she would need to do it all again for even longer and the mere thought of it made her want to break out into tears. But she wanted to be home. She wanted to see her family and just sleep and rest and not have to worry about anything other than the five-day old baby. She just needed some time and that time kept being pushed off.

The ride to Denerim was only a few days but it felt like an eternity to her. By the end she was barely able to eat, she felt far too hot, and her breasts were so tender she winced anytime something touched them. 

Once they reached Eamon's estate, Wynne examined Tabris and discovered she had a clogged milk duct that had grown infected. Though the Grey Warden protested, she was put on bed rest. She felt useless but the pain was too much for her to do anything but let the world work around her.

Much of those days were relayed to her from her friends and even through everything, Alistair would collapse beside her at night. He held her loosely, trying to not put any pressure on her but letting her know he was there.

Then one night he didn't come back. 

*** 

Tabris was, in a word, pissed. She stood in Eamon's study, rocking her whimpering baby, her breasts quite painfully throbbing, with no other ally. Just the two nobles staring her down as she yelled at them.

"So you're telling me that right now you have your potential candidate to the throne sitting in a jail cell for protecting the legal ruler of Ferelden?" Tabris barked. "On top of that, you're _letting him stay there?_ What, are you letting him think about what a bad job he's done being a Grey Warden?"

Anora protested, "I could not let them arrest me. If I were to intervene-"

Tabris put up a finger to stop her. "Well, you get to intervene now, your Highness. Get Alistair out of jail now before I go down there and break him out myself. Do I make myself clear?"

Eamon raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Warden, what you want cannot be done so quickly without causing political upheaval. Please, let us use the channels we have without turning to such methods."

Anora added, "The less attention placed on you would be better for both of you, I think. You are vulnerable in your condition and with Alistair not here to protect you, I would advise being much more careful in your actions. It is not wise to advertise to the Landsmeet the easiest way to manipulate Maric's younger son."

Tabris recognized the threat as soon as she heard it and she put the pieces together. With Alistair out of sight, Anora had no true opposition and had no issue keeping her throne. But if somehow he was freed, she still had another bargaining chip. Tabris was ill and her baby was less than a week old. 

Tabris meet her gaze defiantly. "If you'll excuse me then, your Highness, it appears I have nothing further to contribute to this meeting."

She left the room and Rose quieted. She went back to her room where Zevran waited for her, his face oddly solemn. She shut the door behind her. 

"What's wrong?" Tabris asked.

Zevran murmured, "It isn't an illness in the Alienage, my friend."

He handed a folded piece of paper over to her but she was unable to read it.

"What does it say?"

"It's a roster of a shipment of slaves," Zevran said quietly. "Your country has agreed to sell its citizens. You have already lost hundreds. I am so sorry."

"So what do we do?" Tabris demanded.

"We?" Zevran asked, swallowing hard. "No. This is something I must do while you try to save your prince. Send Leliana to Fort Drakon and I will go and rescue who I can of our people. But I thought...I thought you should know."

"And my family?" Tabris asked.

Zevran replied quietly, "Your father is missing."

Tabris took a deep breath, trying not to cry. "Okay."

Zevran said, "You cannot act as if you know. Not here, not among them. I will be back as soon as I can."

"Be careful," she said.

Zevran smirked. "I always am, my friend."

***

Tabris waited. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done. She was still healing and there was no one she trusted to stay with Rose that wasn't involved in either the plot to save Alistair or the one to save the Alienage. 

Strangely enough, the latter was resolved first. Under Zevran's leadership, her companions managed to destroy the slavers and keep vital evidence for the Landsmeet. The moment it was safe to do so, Tabris bundled up her little girl and walked through a near war zone in order to find her family.

Most of it was a blur. She was with her father again, her cousins, in the tiny room in her childhood home. But nothing was right. Nothing felt right.

Cyrion held his grandchild like a lifeline, refusing to give her back to Tabris unless she was hungry. They spoke little of her conception, only to say that Cyrion would write Nelaros' family and inform them. Tabris was unsure they would be able to be found in the chaos that was Highever, but she said nothing.

Once Rose was in bed and they were by themselves, Cyrion asked his daughter, "Have you been alone this whole time?"

Tabris said wearily, "No. I had Alistair. I couldn't...I can't..."

She started crying and it all spilled from her. Cyrion held her, reassuring her that all would be well and that Alistair would return safely to her. She didn't believe him but she was so tired and sick and just so grateful to be home.


	6. Chapter 6

Within five minutes of meeting Riordan, the man gave Tabris the worst news of her life. She almost fell to the ground, Alistair catching her at the last moment. She could hear him hyperventilating but she was barely able to process her own feelings, never mind his. She thought her own racing heartbeat would be enough to wake the baby strapped to her chest, but thankfully Rose stayed asleep. 

Alistair finally managed to say, "Then it has to be me."

Tabris refused, "No. I'm not losing you."

"We're not negotiating-"

Riordan interrupted, "I have little time left. It the Maker wills it, it will be me who takes the blow. But there is another possibility, one that I would encourage you both to consider. We could recruit another Warden."

"Just to die?" Alistair asked angrily. "No, I would wish that on no one."

"And if it were Loghain?"

Tabris raised her eyebrows. "How?"

"He could be conscripted," Riordan said. "We would have to wait until the right moment, but I think it might be a fitting end, would it not?"

Alistair refused, "To become a Warden is an honour. I will not serve with him."

"It is a means to an end," Tabris reassured. "It is only a delayed execution. He might die in the Joining anyways."

There was a knock on the door and Riordan told them to enter. Eamon burst into the room and asked Riordan to leave. The elder Warden did so, looking back at them with pity.

"Wardens," Eamon said, "Anora would like to speak to you. It's urgent."

They followed him to his own study and entered, only not to see Anora waiting for them but Teryn Loghain himself.

Alistair pulled Tabris behind her and drew his sword, pointing it at him. 

Loghain put up his hands. "I have not come to do you any harm, Wardens."

"You tried to have us killed several times," Tabris reminded angrily. "Why should we trust you?"

Loghain replied, "You shouldn't. I wouldn't, if I were you. But you strike me, Warden, as a practical woman. You broker peace where you can. It occurs to me that if we have a common goal, I need not destroy a young mother and her child."

"You didn't seem to care about the mothers in the Alienage," Tabris snapped. "Am I supposed to believe that you've had a change of heart within twenty-four hours?"

"No," Loghain agreed. "What happened in the Alienage was unfortunate and something that while I still believe necessary, I will always regret."

Tabris drew Fang and stood beside Alistair. "Necessary?"

"Please," Loghain said. "I have come to try to make peace. Let us both put our differences aside and work toward our common goal. We both agree that Anora is the rightful Queen of this country. I would not have the Landsmeet attempt to make your companion ruler because of his blood."

Loghain tossed his own blade on the floor in front of them. "Attack me if you wish, but the Landsmeet will not look well upon you if you do."

Rose started crying and Tabris sheathed her weapon to bring her from her sash and into her arms. She let Rose suck on her finger and her baby was still frustrated but grew quieter. She exchanged a look with Alistair who lowered his blade. 

"Then let's talk," Tabris said. 

"I propose a temporary alliance," Loghain said. "Once Anora is on the throne, I will serve as her general once again. You will serve me both as advisors until the Blight is over. At that time, you will leave Ferelden and join your brothers in Orlais."

"And what will happen to you?" Alistair demanded. "You get away with your treachery? Good men and women died at Ostagar because of you. Our King lies dead because of you. Why would we stand at your side?"

"Because I had thought you not fools. There are only three Grey Wardens in this country. One a barely standing old man and another a woman recovering from childbirth. Do you really think you can survive when I win? Do you think you can protect them, Alistair? I'm offering you a way out."

Alistair grew quiet as Rose cried again. Tabris wrapped her in a blanket, bringing her close to her chest. Rose rooted for her breast but gave up quickly. 

"Threatening us is not really convincing me that you want peace," Tabris said.

Loghain's face softened. "Perhaps not. I mean to be realistic. One of us will be convicted for treason. The odds are in my favour. I have done all that I have to protect my country and my child. I imagine the two of you could say the same thing."

Tabris insisted, "Ferelden is our home and the Grey Wardens belong in this country. You need us more than we need you, Loghain, and you were the one who got us into this mess. You should be making us a better offer."

Rose pushed against her, trying to get free of the blanket. She made a sound half way between contentment and annoyance. Her patience was being just as severely tried as her mother's. 

Loghain asked, "Can I see her?"

Alistair immediately stepped in front of them protectively but Tabris gently pushed him away. She went closer to Loghain and lifted back the blanket, revealing the little girl's face. To her shock, tears came to Loghain's eyes.

"Cherish her for as long as you can," he murmured. "Daughters are skinned knees and pigtails forever in your mind, but it is such a short time when you can hold them safe in your arms. I had forgotten...I had forgotten how small she was."

Seeing her enemy vulnerable, Tabris had expected to feel the same rage as Alistair but her heart softened. Tabris offered Rose to Loghain and Alistair froze in shock. Loghain took her into the crook of his arm and Tabris laid her hand on Alistair's arm, begging him without words to trust her.

Loghain whispered, "She's beautiful."

Tabris said softly, "I don't want this to go on any longer than you do. I want to go home and be with my little girl for as long as the Maker will let me. So what can we do to bring this to an end?"

Loghain said, "It is not so simple as that." 

Alistair quickly took Rose back into his arms.

Tabris insisted, "It can be. We are both here for our daughters, Loghain. We both want Anora on the throne and for the Blight to end. Let us support each other at the Landsmeet. You'll step down peacefully and Queen Anora can take her rightful place. You will be tried for your crimes, but we can try to negotiate something."

"They'll kill me," he said. 

Tabris swallowed hard. "Not if you become one of us. Warden treaties allow for any citizen to not be convicted for any crimes committed before their Joining. We need men, Loghain. It might kill you but you might leave and try to redeem yourself."

Loghain laughed, "And you would take me?"

Alistair growled, "Begrudgingly."

Tabris shot him a look and then said to Loghain, "Consider it. Please. Neither of us wants any more bloodshed. It is the best thing for Ferelden and for our little girls."

Loghain turned from her and leaned on his war table. "Leave me for now. I will consider what you say."

They left the room, Tabris shaking. Alistair almost had to hold her up as they went back to their room. Rose woke and started crying so Tabris sat on the bed and fed her, even though her breasts were still tender. 

Alistair sat behind her and held them both in his arms. He silently cried into her shoulder, whispering, "Don't make me do this."

She pleaded, "I need to know you'll live. If something happens to Riordan...Loghain will die either way, Alistair. We're just using him. If he tries something, we'll kill him before and deal with it later. But right now, I can't fight. I can't protect you. Imagine how you would feel if it was the other way around."

Alistair nuzzled into her neck. "Okay."

She rested against him, surrounded by her little family. They were making a deal with a demon but it was their only chance. He would come home. He had to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a) sorry for all the boob talk. Wait, not sorry, boobs are awesome.  
> b) a much different version of the scene with Loghain was maybe the third thing I ever wrote for this story. Originally it was at the Landsmeet and super dramatic and extra. I like this version better. We all know the Warden is basically silver tongued at this point and I mean who can not be swayed by children? Whatever, there's dragons, we can suspend disbelief for awhile.


	7. Chapter 7

Tabris grew sicker again and returned to bed rest. The infection was waning but her fever rose in order to fight it. She slept through the Landsmeet, her legs shaking too much to stand. Rose lay in the bed beside her, sleeping peacefully.

She learned of the outcome through a tired Alistair, who barely kicked off his boots before falling into bed with them. Anora was crowned, Alistair gave up his claim to the throne, and Loghain had been conscripted. It was the peaceful solution that they had all wished for, but it still felt wrong.

"Does he know?" Tabris asked.

Alistair murmured, "Yes."

"And what did he say?"

"He laughed," Alistair said. "I expected him to scream, but he couldn't stop laughing."

She stroked through his hair. "It's almost over, love."

Alistair looked deep into her eyes. "Yeah...it is. Aria...we should talk."

Her heart started pounding in her chest. "About what?"

"We're heading to Redcliffe to prepare the troops for battle. I think you should stay here with Rose. You're too sick to travel, never mind fight," he said. "I don't want to hurt you, but I think you know it's what you should do."

Tabris disagreed, "We made a deal. My priority is you. It's only me and you. I'm not going to let you go into battle without me being at your back."

"Please," he said softly. "Stay here. When it's over, I'll come back for you. We can start our lives. Just you and me. Please."

Tears streamed down his face and she nodded, her own eyes welling up. They held each other, burrowing as close as they could. She kissed him hard and they both felt everything behind it. A promise of everything that could follow when the war was over, when they were finally free to live as they wanted to. 

They stayed in each other's arms until she fell asleep. She woke to Rose's crying and found that Alistair was gone. She couldn't sense him and she started panicking. She picked up Rose and carried her into the hall, only to see Wynne sitting in a chair outside the door.

Wynne said softly, "You're shaking like a lamb. Go back to bed."

Tabris let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Okay."

***

Tabris sensed the Archdemon before another even noticed the darkspawn approaching the city gates. She called out for soldiers, militia, mercenaries, or anyone who could wield a blade to the Estate. Word spread quickly and hundreds of volunteers came to her, taking directions out to others. She arranged for those unable to fight to flee the city by boat towards the Free Marches. It was haphazard and done brutally short but at least Denerim had more of a chance. It made her think of preparing Redcliffe on a much larger and more terrifying scale. There was so little time but everything she did might save another life. So she kept trying, right until the moment she heard the Archdemon's cry.

Tabris froze in fear, looking out the window to see flames on the horizon. They had run out of time. She was torn. A Grey Warden needed to slay the beast for it to remain dead. She would gladly give her own life but if she ran after it alone, especially in her current state, she would surely die before she reached it.

As if sensing her thoughts, Wynne put a hand on her shoulder. "I once said that you should know that duty must come before love. This is the moment I feared of."

"What should I do?" Tabris asked fearfully.

"You should not waste your life," Wynne murmured. "You have done what you can. Now you must have faith in Alistair to do the same."

Tabris found anyone still in the streets and brought them into the Estate, letting them hide behind the thick walls. She did this until the ogres broke into the square and she finally shut them in. She went back to her room, held her child, and waited. 

***

Tabris felt the Archdemon die. Her immediate relief turned to guilt and then turned to fear. If Loghain hadn't died, Alistair or Riordan had. Someone had given their life as she hid. The world had lost a Warden and it would mourn that. But her selfish heart only cared which one.

She ignored Wynne's warning as she pressed Rose into her arms and ran out into the street. Darkspawn were fleeing but there were enough soldiers fighting them that she was able to deflect the few that attacked her. She ran closer to the sense of loss, the hole growing greater and greater. There was the destruction of a soul, a tainted soul twin to hers. Her heart screamed in her chest and her legs ached. She reached the base of Fort Drakon and saw first Sten walking out the door. Zevran followed and Leilana after, a man's arm thrown across her shoulder. The man looked up and Tabris started running.

Alistair saw her and stumbled towards her. She held him and kissed him and both sobbed wordlessly. His knees buckled and she caught him. She helped Leilana support him and her companions returned with her to Eamon's Estate.

***

With the Blight over, Alistair and Tabris were finally free to enjoy the early weeks of parenthood: little sleep, arguments of who would get up for the baby, debates with parents about whether the child should be blessed in the Chantry, discussions about Alistair's intentions and Tabris' future job prospects. They were deliriously happy.

A month later, they were called to the Palace for Anora's official coronation. Rose was finally old enough to be left with her grandfather though Tabris was fidgety the entire time. 

When the ceremony was over, Anora broached to them the prospect of beginning the Order again at Vigil's Keep. They both said they'd think about it, having a suspicion of what the other one might say.

As they walked back home, Alistair asked, "How do you feel about a honeymoon in Amaranthine?" 

"You have to get married before you get a honeymoon," she teased.

He grinned. "Then why don't we do that first?"

Tabris kissed him and he swept her into his arms. They beamed at the other, so happy and grateful that they were together in this moment. They had been given a chance at a life together, a real life together, and neither of them was going to waste it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay hastily written ending is hastily written?
> 
> One day, long from now, I may write the Amaranthine sequel. But not today.


End file.
